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Competitive, sure, but I donât want the Sabres to win. Could you imagine how insufferable the celebration would become? There would be so many keys to the city thrown around that our homes wouldnât be safe. By the fifth day, the News would still be 28 minutes of parade footage. Then, a week later, weâd have nothing to talk about.
Kids in Atlanta would start to wear Sabre shirts and youâd want to punch them. Jimmy Fallon would be in a movie about the Sabres and youâd go to see it because the girl youâre dating likes Jimmy Fallon and you like the Sabres and, maybe it wonât be that bad but, it is. Youâd sit through it and squirm and sheâs totally not giving you any boob and, life was more fun when the Sabres were losing and everyone was miserable.
Back in 2004, I wasnât married, I didnât own a lawn that needed mowing or gutters, and I was able to breathe. Iâd play NCAA Football on my Playstation for 7 hours a day. Buffalo State made the miraculous jump from Division III to D-1. The Bengals struggled through their first season with some other idiotâs players.
The next off-season, I got to recruit a class. I pulled this giant Tight End out of Oklahoma. My âSchool Traditionâ pitch worked like a charm and he chose Buffalo State over Florida and Ohio State. I guess this Tight End really liked the âTraditionâ of playing Rummy in the Student Union while skipping Art History II. Thatâs the only âTraditionâ I can remember while attending Buff State.
Anyway, the Bengals won a couple of games in my second year running the program. We turned some heads. It was exhilarating. The next recruiting class, I pulled the 3rd best QB prospect and a RB who could run a 4.3. Buff State won all 11 games, took the MAC. They won a Bowl game.
After that, the Bengals couldnât lose. There was no looking back. It was boring. I kept skipping seasons to get to the next recruiting class. Winning sucked. Everyone wanted to play for Buff State. We werenât plucky anymore. We were a clichĂ©.
The chase is always preferred to the taste. I want the Sabres to use the picks acquired in the Jason Pominville trade to get more picks. I want all da picks. I want the Sabres to hold 40% of the picks in the 2018 draftâŠ and then keep trading down.
Have you ever met a Bruins fan? Theyâre miserable, obnoxious people. Is that what you want to be? A Bruins fan?
You donât want the Sabres to win the Cup. You just want to know that they will someday. After they win, youâll want to be dead. Iâm not suggesting a mass cult-suicide or anything like that. Maybe it will work out that theyâll lose for the next 50 years, get enough first-round picks to be good, and we can all watch their Game 7 Stanley Cup win over the Bangkok LaserBotz from our state-of-the-art mass nursing home. Theyâll win and weâll celebrate with spiked Ensure. Weâll run out and tip over Rascal Scooters. Our crippling arthritis medications will take care of the hangover.
Weâll hang on for a couple of years, time enough to tell all of the miserable bandwagon Sabre brats that they didnât suffer long enough, and that we suffered for 80 years with this team. They donât even know losing and their music sucks.
Then, weâll die.
This article is littered with Roman Numerals. Those Romans, I swear to God.
Everybody's talking about gritty leadership, a stud defender, and an elite goal scorer. Screw that. This team needs a better scapegoat. Gone are the days where we could blame losses on Max, Kalinin, or Lalime. Sure, Morrisonn tried his best to fill that role, but it didn't work out. Now Stafford is taking one for the team, but he's a goal scorer at heart, and can't even make a good scapegoat, so they're wasting him in that role.
We need a good, honest-to-God player on this team that everyone can blame for everything.
Â @dansterlace That's what I've been doing with Stafford for quite awhile, even though he sucks it still works.
Â @dansterlaceÂ Vaclav Varada did it!