The New Girl in Town

Who moves to Buffalo from Chicago?

If I had a dollar for every time I’ve been asked that question since moving here several months ago, I could enjoy a day of retail therapy at Tony Walker. Primarily, it was a career decision, but frankly, I’m single, no kids, no pets, therefore, I can do what I want, where I want, when I want, why I want and how I want. Yes, I left out, who I want; I’m not an egomaniac.

If the NHL and NHLPA decided to stop playing “mine is bigger” long enough to resolve this lockout, I’d much rather write about why one cannot appreciate the talent of Marian Hossa until seeing him play in-person because he contributes so much behind the play that goes unnoticed on television. Or why I feel Patrick Kane will not re-sign with the Blackhawks once his current contract expires in 2015, which is also the same time Jonathan Toews’ contract expires.

Ladies, we all know size matters, stop lying! We also know any man who repeatedly volunteers the verbal affirmation of his Trenta as oppose to others Grande, typically does NOT live up to the hype. He may adequately fill the vacancy yet lack the rhythmic coordination reminiscent of Mark Madsen dancing at the Lakers Championship Parade. Google it! So goes the daily NHL & NHLPA lockout “negotiations”, where each day, one side will unzip his pants and land a proverbial “thud” on the bargaining table. The following day the other side sees yesterday’s Johnny Holmes then raises with a Dirk Diggler. You’ve seen one; you’ve seen them all, right ladies?

If both sides consisted of women, negotiations would go something like this:

Side A- we’d like to propose a Christopher Meloni with a side of Hugh Jackman, topped with some Johnny Depp, Mark Wahlberg and Sean Penn.  Also, Eric Dane towards the conclusion of the proposed terms.

Side B- With all fairness to the Rookies, we’d like to add Taylor Lautner prior to Christopher Meloni. For the Veterans, we’d like to add Richard Gere as an option for Eric Dane. Would you consider Ryan Gosling instead of Sean Penn as an extension of terms?

Side A- Um, hell to the yes!

Side B- French Martinis for everyone. We’ll buy, you can leave the tip.

That’s what she said!

@StacyLymber, The New Girl in Town

Tags: black hawks, Buffalo, chicago, marion hossa, new girl, NHL, nhl lockout, nhlpa, Sabres, stacy lymber

Category: Buffalo Sabres, Sports