(Editor’s note:  Mixed into a rambling narrative about the current state of affairs in the NFL loaded with historical, music and pop culture references, Mr. Brutal makes his football picks. …

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(Editor’s note:  Mixed into a rambling narrative about the current state of affairs in the NFL loaded with historical, music and pop culture references, Mr. Brutal makes his football picks.  Bob Gaughan makes his, too. It is called “The War of 1812 Football Prognostication” probably because he is Canadian, Bob is American and they have some huge unknown cross border stakes riding on their year-to-year competition. So get with the programme, honour the concept and enjoy the colourful Canadian flavour.)

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…… Sunday, November 20, 2016 ……

Bye: Falcons, Broncos, Jets, Chargers

……. 1:00 pm Eastern Standard Time ……..

Pittsburgh (-9) @ CLEVELAND 47

Doctor Ben Carson announced this week that he was withdrawing from any consideration for a position in the Trump cabinet. The former competitor for the Republican nomination to be President said that he wouldn’t feel right about taking a job of that nature because of his total lack of experience.

Thank goodness the Presidency is a completely different animal and doesn’t require that prerequisite. So America can rest easy knowing that it would have been in safe hands if he would have won the nomination,

……. Just as it is currently with the president-elect raging pumpkin.

The Browns also don’t have any experience, …. at winning games this season. However, every week is the Super Bowl for them until they get their first win. They hate Pittsburgh, and this is an AFC North rivalry game.

Week after week, the Steelers are looking more and more like the Packers this year.

Brutal: BROWNS +9


Baltimore @ DALLAS (-7) 45

QB Tony Romo confessed to the media this week that all the competitive juices have left his body and he is abdicating the Cowgirl throne to rookie Dak Prescott. The media went crazy, some declaring this was one of the most magnanimous & monumental events they had ever witnessed in sports.

Sure.

Just like Jackie Robinson breaking the colour barrier, …. Tommie Smith & John Carlos protesting on the medal podium at the 1968 Summer Games in Mexico City, ….. Muhammad Ali resisting being drafted into the Vietnam War, ….. or The Hungarian Water Polo Team defeating the Soviets 4-0 at the 1956 Olympics after the Russians had invaded their country.

The only thing missing from that self serving, Telnovela style press conference orchestrated by Dallas owner Jerry “Trampoline face” Jones, …. was Terrell Owens showing up and crying for his quarterback as he read his tear jerking speech.

The Cowboys are riding high and are due for a letdown. We’ll back the Ravens and their human ATM quarterback Joe Flacco, getting a touchdown and ten days rest.

Brutal: Ravens +7


Jacksonville @ DETROIT (-6.5) 47

We have to take the Lions here as they are now leading the NFC North (Central) and should be motivated to play with some heart and consolidate their position. That scares the hell out of us, because they were handed first place by not playing last week. Given their track record, ….. we proceed with caution.

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Jags’ QB Blake Bortles is regressing badly. His play has been deteriorating and he is being let down by his bad mechanics. Much like we were once let down by bad mechanics who failed to make an 1988 Jaguar XJS work properly for even half the damn time that we possessed it.

Brutal: LIONS -6.5


Tennessee @ INDIANAPOLIS (-3) 53.5

Could be a very competitive game. The Titans come in off their biggest win in years after dispatching the Packers 47-25 last week and the slowly improving Colts will be refreshed after the Bye.

Brutal: Titans +3


Buffalo @ CINCINNATI (-2.5) 47.5

The Bengals came into last week’s game against the Giants off the Bye and laid an egg in Gotham by falling flat 21-20 in a game that they easily should have won.

As we predicted this season, they have been slow to adjust to roster changes, but also to the new coaches on their staff. TE Tyler Eifert is back and after a tentative debut three weeks ago, appears ready to become the Pro Bowl target he used to be. QB Andy Dalton needs him to take the heat & constant double teams off WR A.J. Green as former Patriot WR Brandon LaFell & rookie wideout Tyler Boyd have failed (as predicted) to make up for the huge off-season losses of WR Marvin Jones to Detroit and WR Mohamed Sanu to Atlanta.

The Bills come in fairly healthy off their Bye and their play of late is hard to gauge whether it means they are heading up or down. Maybe the toughest call of the day for two teams that are desperate for a win. With the spread falling below a field goal, we’ll take the home team.

Brutal: BENGALS -2.5


Tampa Bay @ KANSAS CITY (-7.5) 44.5

Tampa is a little cocky after their easy win over the Chicago Bears. Cocky enough and satisfied enough to take the afternoon off in Western Missouri. The incredibly boring Chiefs win easily, and maybe even score an offensive touchdown.

Brutal: CHIEFS -7.5


Chicago @ NEW YORK FOOTBALL GIANTS (-7.5) 44.5

With QB Jay Cutler back and behind his “inspirational leadership,” the Bears soared over the Vikings three weeks ago. One might have been inclined to think the Bears were on their way ( to where we’re not sure, but a better place than they are ).

However, just when they had a little momentum, Chicago got their Bye two weeks ago and their motivational drive was killed off like rare big game animals being stalked by the Trump children on an African bagged hunt ( congratulations America on your new First Family ).

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We predicted this and the Bears fell easily, 36-10 in Tampa against a team that is doing only marginally better in their upward quest towards mediocrity than the Bears.

As a bonus, our prop bet of under 7.5 wins for the year has never looked safer as the Bears have only tasted victory twice so far this year.

Coming off the short week, the Giants are a risk here with their own inconsistent play, so we’ll reluctantly take Chicago to cover that big spread via the back door.

Brutal: Bears +7.5


Arizona @ MINNESOTA (Even) 40

One can only shake their head at this game. Vikings have dropped two in a row after dropping Norv Turner as their offensive coordinator, so little improvement there. The Cardinals were nip and tuck to take out the worst team in the NFC, the Forty Niners at home last week.

Coin flip.

Brutal: Cardinals


………. 4:05 pm – 4:25 pm Eastern Standard Time …………..

Miami (-2.5) @ LOS ANGELES 39.5

In unrelated news items that boggle the mind.

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1.) Martial Arts movie star Steven Seagal has been granted Russian citizenship after his help in securing Donald Trump’s victory. This paves the way for him to become Russia’s ambassador to the United States.

{ Remember that we wrote this first when it becomes a reality }

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2.) Jeff Fisher has been given a vote of confidence from the ownership as the Rams’ head coach. He declared just last week that #1 overall draft pick and quarterback Jared Goff would continue to ride the bench as long as the Rams could still make the post season. So then logically one could conclude that QB Case Keenum would likely continue to start till they were mathematically eliminated from the playoffs.

Then after they won ( albeit 9-6 and without scoring an offensive touchdown for the umpteenth time this year ), he changes his mind, even though the Rams still have a shot at the post season. So we can assume, after getting his vote of confidence, he figures screw the playoffs and good bye to his bizarre personal philosophy about building a winning football team by keeping your number one draft pick dark- roomed for an entire season.

Then Fisher caves in to ownership, fans, common sense and declares that Goff will start.

Another confusing week in Los Angeles. We liked Goff at Cal, but apparently Fisher & his questionable offensive staff have not liked him in training camp or practice, ……. until this Week!!!!

The Rams’ players seem upbeat with the decision and we have to think the Dolphins might be a little tired playing their second game in a row on the west coast. Last week they won 31-24 and benefited in San Diego from QB Phillip Rivers throwing twelve fourth quarter interceptions.

We’re betting even though Jared Goff is a rookie, he won’t throw that many.

Brutal: RAMS +2.5


New England (-14) @ SAN FRANCISCO 51

What an ass Bill Belichick is when it comes to dealing with anything beyond winning football games ( well actually he’s a less than an acceptable human being regarding a lot of the elements involved in that pursuit too ). Last week we were treated to this disingenuous jerk at a press conference trying to explain away his fawning letter of praise that he sent to Donald Trump before the election.

Now don’t get us wrong. If the Dark Lord wants to voice support for Donald Trump in an election campaign, he should do so. It’s his constitutional right. However, Bill seemed a little blindsided when Mr. Trump released the letter and made its contents public before the election. You’d think a control freak like Belichik would have seen this coming. After all, his quarterback & fellow Republican Tom Brady had a similar experience earlier in the campaign.

Of course, being the coward that he truly is, fearing a backlash from fans, the media and mostly the African American players on his team, Bill tried to explain away his ass-kissing letter and the terms used within it as mere platitudes and everyday phrases that he sends out in the “hundreds” of letters he signs & sends out every week from his office to people of all political stripes.

Then when pressed to elaborate, since his deliberately monotone speech failed in its intent to put the room to sleep or distract the reporter from asking well deserved follow-ups, ….. Bill Belichick started repeating:

“Seattle, …. Seattle, …. Seattle, …. Seattle,” as the reporter attempted to get him to clarify. His pathetic little act made him sound like a displaced Hare Krishna being escorted out of the Sea Tac airport.

…. or like a spoiled child who has even less respect than we suspected for the intelligence of not just the media and the fans, but his very own football players.

We didn’t know that besides coach & general manager that you were the “Goodwill Ambassador” for the New England Patriots’ public relations department Bill. It must be taxing on your precious time resources. Spending all those hours each week, busy sending out 8X10’s & personal letters to every kid who needs a rubber football with your signature on it.

Unfortunately for you, as much as your contempt for others makes you think you can say or do whatever you want, people will make up their own minds. A lot of fans, hopefully the media and your football players will find the truth if they care to, because they actually possess the ability to read. I guess we should thank Mr. Trump for making your sniveling shill of a letter public instead of keeping it private the way you miscalculated it would remain.

So it was with some joy that we watched the New England Patriots fall at home last Sunday night to Seattle 31-24.

Lost in all the hoopla over the Pats return to dominance is the fact that QB Brady has been hit a lot more this year than previous ones. However, the limp Forty Niner pass rush is unlikely to get to him much. San Francisco has a lame duck head coach, a lame duck quarterback and they generally play like lame ducks.

However, last week they gave Arizona a pretty competitive game in the desert before losing 23-20. This week we figure they won’t do the same against New England who are going to take out their loss on the hapless Niners. However the threat of the backdoor looms.

Brutal: FORTY NINERS +14


Philadelphia @ SEATTLE (-6.5)

The Eagles seem to always screw us. The cold hard facts are this. Those six and a half points are a lot for a team like the Seahawks to be giving, even if they appear to be on a roll heading towards a another Super Bowl appearance.

Brutal: Eagles +6.5


………….. 8:30 pm Eastern Standard Time …………..

Green Bay @ WASHINGTON (-2.5) 50.5

Packer Nation is in a state of apoplexy after their destruction in Nashville and until the football team show signs of competence, we will go against them yet once again. Backing Little Danny Snyder’s Politically Incorrects is always risky, especially when they are favoured, but since it is under a field goal, we’ll reluctantly take the plunge.

Brutal: EXPLOITED NATIVE AMERICAN BOUNTIES -2.5


……… Monday, November 21, 2016 ………………..

………….. 8:30 pm Eastern Standard Time …………

Houston @ OAKLAND (-5) 46

We have less faith in head coach Bill O’Brien of Houston than we do in almost any other coach in the history of the NFL except for Rich Kotite and Kay Stephenson. As long as this line doesn’t go beyond a touchdown, we’ll stick with the Raiders.

Our rejuvenated and reanimated “Team of Destiny” for 2016-17.

Brutal: RAIDERS +5


 

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