It’s Morning In America
Now that the election is over, it’s time for Grand Vizier Donald Trump to quickly move and fill out his Cabinet posts with new and exciting faces to change the course of America.
People wanted change and to throw out the establishment politicians so thank goodness he’s considering a lot of young, enlightened candidates that will embody that new reality.
According to inside sources, here are a few of the leading candidates that The Trumpster is considering hiring.
1.) Transportation Secretary
The leading candidate is current New Jersey Governor & Trump coffee fetcher Chris Christie. The man is monumentally unpopular in his home state and would welcome being able to bow out before his term ends in 2018. One of the complaints against him is that he is lazy, seldom comes to work and delegates too much authority to underlings who are unqualified. He also prefers to fly around the country whenever he can at taxpayers expense to undertake frivolous tasks.
Although these habits put him in good stead with Trump who has similar proclivities, the “Bridgegate Scandal” haunts him. His aides have all been recently convicted for deliberately shutting down traffic lanes on the busy George Washington Bridge that leads into Manhattan. this was done to cause traffic chaos and punish a local New Jersey mayor who had disagreed with Christie publicly.
Of course Christie maintains he had no knowledge of his underlings’ actions. There is a certain irony to Christie being named Transportation Secretary considering all of this, but irony is a concept that Donald Trump has never been able to comprehend let alone appreciate. On the positive side, he is only 54 years old, so he would be one of the likely younger members of the Trump braintrust. If this doesn’t go through, Christie could serve out his term as an absentee Governor while he continues in his present role as official Trump lapdog ( that is if a 300 pound, lap-banded, toothless bull mastiff can be considered a true lapdog ).
2.) Attorney General
Another Trump loyalist, former New York Mayor Rudy Giuliani is the leading candidate. Yup, the guy who has endlessly repeated his mantra: “911! 911! 911!” on television more times than 1,000 Tourette’s Syndrome inflicted Mynah Birds is the leading candidate for the post.
Rudy also appeared to be a man who had become a little unhinged during the long campaign. His screeching voice along with his bizarre and ridiculous defenses for every Trump scandal & misstep made him appear as an almost pathetic, Shakespearean figure.
Trump loved this, since he proved his loyalty. He is also 72 years old, so he will be a real boon to the youth movement in the White House.
We can’t wait for him to make “Waterboarding” an official procedural requirement for all “Stop and Frisk” victims.
It also boggles the mind to think how he will find new ways to utilize the Homeland Security Act to harass, hound and incarcerate anybody who crosses President Dumpster-fire in 3:00 am Twitter Wars.
3.) DEA Head and/or FBI Director
If Czar Trump the First decides that current FBI Director James Comey has been too disloyal to the Donald regarding his flaky investigation of Hillary’s e-mail scandal, he has the perfect candidate to replace him. We wish we were making this up.
Finally, the citizens of Maricopa County, Arizona failed to reelect Sheriff Joe Arpaio on Tuesday. He was denied his seventh term as sheriff when he was soundly beaten. This bigot has cost the citizens of his county over $142 million dollars in lawsuits & judgements thanks to his illegal and racist policies involving profiling and incarceration.
No problem. Trump thinks Sheriff Joe is a winner and would make a great head of the Drug Enforcement Administration, and if Comey gets forced out, Trump sees no reason why the 84 year old Arpaio could not serve in both capacities.
Good Luck America!
…… Thursday, November 10, 2016 ………..
8:30 pm EST
Cleveland @ BALTIMORE (-10) 45.5
Twice a year, the Baltimore Art Modell Browns play the Cleveland Post Modell Browns in these AFC Central contests that sadly, usually involve almost no palpable dislike or sense of rivalry between the two natural rivals.
The Browns are winless, and the Ravens could win this mediocre division with a .500 record. However, in these dull, poorly played Thursday contests, double digit spreads are not enticing numbers for favourites to cover, especially if the human ATM, Joe Flacco (6 TD’s, 7 INT) is their quarterback. A man we can never trust.
True, Cleveland QB Cody Kessler (5 TD’s, 1 INT) has looked mediocre, but he’s outplayed Flacco. The Browns actually had the best rushing attack in the NFL for much of the first half of this season, and they will try to reestablish that against the Ravens. Also, Patriots’ salary dump linebacker and Pro Bowler Jamie Collins has had another week to learn the Cleveland defensive schemes.
We’ll take the old Browns over the new Browns.
Brutal: Browns +10
Bob: Browns +10