The Bills played a football game in Indianapolis on Sunday. Here’s how it went.

Hi. Ryan Nagelhout from The Roost here. The Bills played a football game in Indianapolis on Sunday. Here’s how it went.


Just keep eating. It’s worked for you all weekend.

First Quarter

10:30 — Ryan Fitzpatrick sacked by Jerrell Freeman (0-0 tie)

Nope. Too busy with all this turkey to get upset. Maybe later.

9:56 — Bills punter punts. T.Y. Hilton returns punt for 75-yard touchdown (7-0 Colts)

Just couldn’t chase him down.

6:52 — C.J. Spiller rushed up the middle for 23 yards (7-0 Colts)

This was the second of three straight carries for Spiller. Enjoy this moment while you can.

4:28 — Rian Lindell kicks 33-yard field goal (7-3 Colts)

Touchdowns are just mocking us now, you guys.

0:48 — Andrew Luck sacked by Mario Williams

Maybe the Bills were actually not not not lying to us about his wrist? You know, eventually.

Second Quarter

13:22 — Hilton returns Bills punter’s punt 18 yards. He fumbles when hit by Nigel Bradham. Bills recover (7-3 Colts)

I hope that guy’s not dead but yay turnover!

Play is reviewed. Hilton was down. Colts ball.

He was trying to dig out his surprised face.

13:10 Luck intercepted by Justin Rogers (7-3 Colts)

Shake it, Kiwi.

10:23 — Fitzpatrick sacked by Robert Mathis (7-3 Colts)

It’s okay. That four yards probably won’t cost the Bills any points.

10:11 — Bills punter punts from Colts 34-yard line for a net of 23 yards (7-3 Colts)

Let’s go down to Rian Lindell, who is still on the sidelines.

Ah. It seems he’s trapped under a fence. Or maybe he can’t hit a 51-yarder?

The coach. I mean the coach.

4:08 — Adam Vinatieri kicks 25-yard field goal (10-3 Colts)

I’ve always thought “Bills” looked nice in Helvetica.

4:08 — Fitzpatrick throws 63-yard pass to Stevie Johnson (10-3 Colts)

A real quarterbacking play thingy! I can’t wait to see what comes next.

3:15 — Fitzpatrick throws incomplete pass to the right (10-3 Colts)

It’s okay. Still looking good.

3:11 — Fitzpatrick throws incomplete pass to the left (10-3 Colts)

Great question, Knope.

3:05 — Fitzpatrick runs for 4-yard gain (10-3 Colts)

Where’s C.J. Spiller?

Out just like the baby in The Jungle. I bet this one has a shitty ending, too.

2:16 — Lindell kicks 31-yard field goal (10-6 Colts)

Get out of here, success and happiness! We don’t want you!

0:50 — Fitzpatrick throws two incompletions and Fred Jackson runs for two yards from the Bills 8 yard line. Bills punter punts (10-6 Colts)

Let’s get a little longform here. This was the worst time to be aggressive. Like, ever. That situation did not call for the B-E-aggressive part of the IHOP menu Gailey uses as a call sheet. It’s a 4-point game, there’s eight yards between you and oblivion and you have a pair of running backs that would start for any team in the league. Run the ball until the high school band takes the field, then run into the locker room. You idiot.


0:28 — Luck throws 25-yard pass to Reggie Wayne to the 2 (10-6 Colts)

The laughing is for the forward progress call. And maybe the spike with a second to go. The crying comes later.

0:00 — Vinatieri kicks 19-yard field goal (13-6 Colts)

Here works.



This was a nice gesture. Not pictured: the scalp massage that will cost that creepy horse a few months in a Marion county prison.

Third Quarter

4:02 A. Luck throws 8-yard touchdown pass to Hilton (20-6 Colts)

There was a lot of punting in this quarter. But yeah, good thing that guy’s not dead.

1:57 — Luck sacked by Mario Williams (20-6 Colts)

Expensive, effective exercise ball.

1:06 — Spiller runs for 41-yard gain (20-6 Colts)

I’m just shocked that this guy is capable of big runs.

Fourth Quarter

11:30 — Fitzpatrick throws 1-yard touchdown pass to Lee Smith (20-13 Colts)

Is that what that looks like?

10:04 — Luck sacked by Mario Williams

Sadly, it’s the only horse that got beat this week.

5:27 — Bills drive to Indianapolis’ 36 yard line (20-13 Colts)

Is this actually happening?

4:31 — Fitzpatrick intercepted by Tom Zbikowski (20-13 Colts)

But wait!

Zbikowski stripped by Stevie Johnson. Johnson recovers (20-13 Colts)

Uh… first down?

4:31 — Fitzpatrick runs for 6-yard gain (20-13 Colts)

Do you know how fast you were going?

4:24 — Fitzpatrick throws -4-yard pass to C.J. Spiller on second down (20-13 Colts)

At least they dug C.J. out of that puddle.

3:37 — Fitzpatrick incomplete pass to the left on third down (20-13 Colts)

They should probably think about going for it, right? Flirt awkwardly with a pretty girl from the 80s if you think they should go for it.

3:22 — Bills punter punts (20-13)

Let’s just call it now.


I hate everything.

You, at Work This Week

See you next Sunday.

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