5. Endorsements
Hey, you fat lazy voter person. How about you get off your big league gluteus maximus and do a little research yourself instead of letting some hack writer or editor tell you who to vote for? You big dumb robot.
4. SABRES UPDATE
Your mother calls you on the phone. She tells you that she is worried sick about you and wants you to see a therapist.
3. Delaware North
DN: “Give us all this money or we are leaving.”
Every Single Local Politicians: “OH MY GOD TAKE EVERYTHING.”
These are your job creators, folks— people who can’t get a headquarters built without every tax break in the books. It’s not that they need the help so much. I’m more than willing to provide it. It’s that they act like they are completely successful and independent.
None of you jokers would survive without support from government. The next time a candidate suggests that we run government like a business (see: Collins, Chris) realize that means begging and borrowing money from anyone and everyone just to get something started.
2. Vote Early, Vote Often
Hey look– someone voted for Kiko Alonso for everything. The joke is that he probably is a better candidate than any of the others. We live in a corrupt and horrid political climate. We’re Gotham without the fame or importance.
Personally, I would’ve voted for Fred “Action” Jackson.
1. That’s Gross
I shudder to think what a “five finger discount” would be for a Kiko Alonso jersey now.
