The 5 Dumbest Things In Buffalo This Week – June 28, 2012

Fine.

5. The Line-up For Tuesday Artpark Concerts

Kansas, Foreigner, Huey Lewis & The News, Sublime, Yes, Procol Harum, Heart, Steve Miller Band, Peter Frampton. Sheryl Crow, one part of Supertramp, a Pink Floyd cover band, and The Charlie Daniels Band.

You know what the funny thing is? Artpark says that anyone under 16 must be accompanied by an adult. No one under 16 will be within miles of that AARP convention.

If you go to those concerts, you are old.

4. Having Nearly The Highest Gas Prices In America

Well boys, we haven’t been able to get a shipment of supplies through the U-boats surrounding Buffalo for weeks, and they are starting to run out of fuel. We are going to have to double up the convoys if we are WELL YOU TRY AND EXPLAIN THIS.

3. No One Showing Up For The Republican Primary In The NY 27th

Turnout was expected to be below twelve percent. That’s four and a half people. Catch the conservative fever, America!

2. Channel 2 Still Using Better Days By The Goo Goo Dolls

Do they know that is a song that chronicles the failure of our collective sports dreams? It isn’t a song of hope, it’s the soundtrack to watching Dmitri Kalinin throw up on his jersey on the point of the power play.

1. Channel 4 Going To Red Alert

They have a Red Alert light around their set now? Will the camera tilt left and right with everyone flailing about when they get a breaking news update? Will Don Paul start lobbing photon torpedoes at thunderstorms? Is there a klaxon? Those lights are bogus without a klaxon.

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Correction: In a previous update, Trending Buffalo reported that Larry Korab was the starting left guard for the 1984 New England Patriots. In fact, Larry Korab is the pseudonym for The Defenseman, who writes for the Dear God, Why Us? blog. You may follow him on Twitter by searching @TheDefenseman.  Trending Buffalo regrets the error.