(Editor’s note: Mixed into a rambling narrative about the current state of affairs in the NFL loaded with historical and pop culture references, Mr. Brutal makes some football picks. Why does he call it the “War of 1812 Football Prognostication”? He likes history, he’s Canadian, Bob Gaughan is American and includes his picks as well.)
SEASON TO DATE:
MR. BRUTAL 37-54
MR. BRUTAL 8-7
Thursday, October 16, 2014
New York J-e-t-s, Jets! Jets! Jets! @ NEW ENGLAND (-10.5) 46
The Jets are having a tough year, but are better than they appear. In the first game of the year they beat the Super Bowl and Los Angeles-bound Oakland Raiders in a tight contest. They followed this up with three close losses to the NFC Central Packers, Bears and Lions. Then they had that razor thin 31-0 loss to the Chargers and then last week’s disappointing fourth quarter 31-17 collapse to the Broncos.
Jets’ QB Geno Smith managed to anger a lot of New York fans far beyond the mere fact of losing by throwing a pick-six interception to Aqib Talib with 15 seconds remaining Sunday, thus enraging two different multitudes of Jets’ fans who had vested financial interests in the two basic aspects of football betting that were simultaneously reversed with that bone-brained throw.
What better solution to remedy a short preparation week than heading to the northeast and playing the old, lost, wobbling, corrupt and overrated Patriots?
How can this be so?
- Just two weeks ago, the NFL experts, press and various other self-appointed cognoscenti had written the Patriots and QB Tom Bundchen off as old, under-talented and lacking in depth due to coach Belichick’s lesser talents as a general manager and handler of player personnel. This didn’t all vanish with two victories. Two weeks ago they rolled the still hibernating tigers after a lazy two week lay-off and last week they beat their perennial AFC East whipping boy Buffalo Bills. All those Patriot structural flaws are still visible beneath the veneer of recent success.
- Although the Bills blew this game partly due to questionable defensive tactics and mysterious personnel substitutions, they did knock their third opposing running back out for the year. Starting runner Stephen Ridley of the Patriots is gone for the campaign, As a bonus, starting linebacker and veteran Jerod Mayo is also lost for the season… and did we mention that the Patriots lack depth?
- At the post game press conference Czar Bill Belichick was noticeably nervous and agitated beyond his normal slight sprinkling of cayenne pepper in the jock strap demeanor. He fumbled with the broken microphone on the podium for more than a minute muttering “Stupid thing!” over and over in a disgusted tone. Strange that the G. Gordon Liddy-admiring architect of “Spy-Gate” and countless other eavesdropping incidents would have so much trouble constructing a basic desktop microphone set-up. Years ago, the “Great Goodell” swept the scandal under the rug that clearly led to New England winning that Super Bowl over the Rams. He didn’t make the mistake of ex-President Richard Nixon and he burned all the relative tapes. William of Byzantine would love to employ some of those tried and true underhanded techniques again to compensate for the Patriots’ shortcomings this year, but the massive negative aftermath of being caught cheating again in the current NFL zeitgeist might result in more than a stiff fine for the man with no scruples.
- The Jets and Rex Ryan are desperate. We know that they are pulling out all the stops to overcome this seemingly lost situation. To deal with muscle fatigue and recovery times for this Thursday contest, we have it on good authority that New York has hired Victor Conte and Dr. Tony Bosch as “off-the-book” bio-chemistry consultants. We are also privy to the knowledge that the Jets’ training staff is fashioning individually-tailored training regimens as derived from the guidelines emphasized in the banned, verboten and unspeakable “Bible for Modern Athletic Supremacy” by the late Dr. Jamie Astaphan.
- There is still hope for the aerial turbines. The (1-5) Jets are not out of the playoff picture just yet. The 1970 Bengals overcame that record to make the post season.
- On a recent trip to Niagara Falls we had the pleasure of seeking the advice of a football handicapping expert. “Zelda, the Oracle of Lundy’s Lane” told us in a private consultation that she foresaw massive short-term success for an NFL team on the east coast that wears green and white and is run by a man who loves feet and is familiar with the term “lap-band.” This cannot be mistaken for the Eagles and Chip Kelly.
The entrails, tea leaves and Zeldas of the world are never wrong.
Jets pull the stunning upset (or, at minimum, a cover… unless the local bookmakers have a heavy imbalance on the Gotham side of the equation and Geno throws them a late bone yet once again.
Mr. Brutal: Jets (+10.5)
Bob: Jets +10.5