(Editor’s note:  Mixed into a rambling narrative about the current state of affairs in the NFL loaded with historical, music and pop culture references, Mr. Brutal makes his football picks. …

(Editor’s note:  Mixed into a rambling narrative about the current state of affairs in the NFL loaded with historical, music and pop culture references, Mr. Brutal makes his football picks.  Bob Gaughan makes his, too. It is called “The War of 1812 Football Prognostication” probably because he is Canadian, Bob is American and they have some huge unknown cross border stakes riding on their year-to-year competition. So get with the programme, honour the concept and enjoy the colourful Canadian flavour.)

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…… Sunday, November 6, 2016 ……

Bye: Chicago, Cincinnati, New England, Arizona, Washington, Houston
……. 1:00 pm Eastern Standard Time ……..
Pittsburgh @ BALTIMORE (No Line)

It looks like QB Big Ben will probably not start for the Steelers, hence no line. Pittsburgh will get back WR Antonio Brown, maybe get RB DeAngelo Williams back, but TE Ladarius Green is out. Maybe more importantly, the Steelers get back OT Marcus Gilbert to steady the shaky offensive line.

Does any of it really matter if QB Landry Jones starts for Pittsburgh? …. Probably not. Nobody has faith in his abilities, including his teammates. The Ravens tend to beat the Steelers in these twice yearly conflicts, even when they aren’t as good. Both teams have been mediocre this year.

Whatever the line, ….. we’ll back the stinking Ravens at kick off. the Steeler defense has been a mystery too this year, and Joe Flacco, the human ATM, should be able to put up enough points to beat the Steelers and tie them for the AFC division lead.

Brutal: RAVENS


Dallas (-7) @ CLEVELAND 49

Cleveland is in mourning. The Cleveland Indians are now the franchise possessing the longest drought without winning a league title in a major league sport. So, temporarily, the pressure will be off the Browns who have a major league title losing streak almost as long. The Browns had yet another tough loss last week, losing at home 31-28 to the Jets after a furious comeback came up short yet again.

The 6-1 Cowboys come in off their 29-23 overtime victory over the Eagles Sunday night. It was a tough, entertaining game that they easily could/should have lost.

Once again, this line doesn’t make sense. With the hype around America’s team, their extended number of fans who bet on them every week regardless, ….. the outstanding play of rookies’ QB Dak Prescott & RB Ezekial Elliott, …. coupled with the return of TE Jason Witten & WR Dez Bryant, ….. one would think this line should be well over seven points.

Which can only mean that Las Vegas wants us to bet the Cowgirls. which means for the fourth time this year ( 3-1 record in our favour ) we will not accede to their desires and bet on the best winless team in the NFL that we have seen over the last decade ( We will keep saying that till they simultaneously win when we have placed a wager on them ).

Brutal: BROWNS +7

Bob: BROWNS +7

Jacksonville @ KANSAS CITY (-8) 44

Hillary Clinton was roundly criticized for calling Donald Trump supporters a “Basket of Deplorables” a month ago. Since that time, almost any random sample of interviews taken from his rallies demonstrate that her assessment was weak-sauce.

Another entity whose collective performance has been deplorable this season are the Jacksonville Jaguars. The Chiefs are so unconcerned that they are starting backup QB Nick Foles over Alex Smith, who they claim doesn’t fit into the concussion protocol and could play if they wanted him to.

That means if Alex Smith gets knocked senseless again later this year like he did last week against the Colts, ….. the Chiefs will throw him out there if they are playing somebody that they think might be able to beat them.

Hmmm, Jags get ten days off, ….. the owner gives the head coach a vote of confidence, …. but Nick Foles may play better than Alex Smith.

In the end, ….. Is it a case of “Eight is Enough?” ….. the dreaded Dick Van Patten prognostication protocol.

Brutal: Jaguars +8

Bob: CHIEFS -8

New York J-e-t-s, Jets! Jets! Jets! @ MIAMI (-3.5) 44

The Jets held off Cleveland 31-28, behind the “Tom Brady Light” revenge tour of QB Ryan Fitzpatrick. The water mammals have come off the bye and a two game winning streak, so one might favour Miami.

However, RB Jay Ajayi will need a good day against New York to take the pressure off temperamental QB Ryan Tannehill, who is prone to mistakes when he is called on to throw it too much. Whether the Dolphin running game will be adequate enough to deliver against the Jets’ top ranked run defence is the question.

We’re thinking not enough to win by more than three points.

Brutal: Jets +3.5

Bob: Jets +3.5

Philadelphia @ NEW YORK FOOTBALL GIANTS (-3) 43

The Giants have had a week off, but who knows if it will make a difference and make them play with some authority. The Eagles lost a tough game last Sunday night, so normally we would take the Giants in that type of scenario.

However, we have been backing the Eagles most of the year and we always go contrarian at least once a week against our own sacred rules.

Brutal: Eagles +3

Bob: GIANTS -3

Detroit @ MINNESOTA (-6.5) 41

Vikings’ offensive coordinator, Norv Turner suddenly resigned this week. A euphemistically subtle way of saying, due to philosophical differences, he was asked to leave with dignity.

Or maybe not so subtly, like saying a Russian General who bumped heads with Vladimir Putin recently over philosophical differences, unfortunately suddenly died from very acute lead poisoning.

We really hate to back the Lions again, two weeks in a row on the road, …. especially after their lacklustre performance in Houston against a very compromised Texans’ team. However, this time, they are getting double the points and new offensive coordinator or not, the Vikings don’t have the horses to cover spreads like this.

Minnesota is dead last or near to dead last in almost every offensive category in the NFL. Reluctantly, we pick Detroit against a division foe, despite them being led into battle by Neville Chamberlain School of Leadership graduate & head coach Jim Caldwell.

Brutal: Lions +6.5

Bob: Lions +6.5

……… 4:05 – 4:25 pm Eastern Standard Time …………..

Carolina (-3) @ LOS ANGELES RAMS 44.5

Cam “Superman” Newton was whining again last week about taking late hits at his press conference. He would have mad a better point if he just didn’t come off as so self absorbed, selfish, depressed, disinterested and mildly incoherent.

He would also garner more sympathy & attention to his cause if he would stop dressing for these post game press conferences in clothes that he just bought in bulk from a garage sale at RuPaul’s house.

Cam has been hit late in the pocket, but he also whines about the times he is hit acting as a running back outside the pocket. He has yet to learn the difference. The facts also show that there are eight other quarterbacks in the NFL who have taken more hits that are at least as questionable and egregious as Cam has.

It isn’t always about you Cam, …. something you have yet to learn since last year’s Super Bowl loss.

The Rams had last week off and are poised to beat the 2-5 Panthers here, whose season will essentially end Sunday with that loss.

Brutal: RAMS +3


New Orleans (-3) @ SAN FRANCISCO 52.5

We have had too much patience with the Forty Niners this year. It appears they are as a team, trying to prove that head coach Chip Kelly should leave the NFL and go back to college and continue his mad experiments.

It looks like his old Oregon job might be up for grabs too.

Despite the Niners coming in off the bye and the Saints unpredictability in general, …. they are the better team and should win by over a field goal.

Brutal: Saints -3

Bob: Saints -3

Tennessee @ SAN DIEGO (-4.5) 47

Ten days off for the Titans, but Phillip Rivers and the Chargers must win to keep pace in the AFC West. We’ll go with the Bolts.

Brutal: CHARGERS -4.5

Bob: CHARGERS -4.5

Indianapolis @ GREEN BAY (-7.5) 54

These aren’t your grandfather’s, father’s or your older brother’s Packers. One could argue that Andrew Luck is the better quarterback in this game. His stats are slightly better than Aaron Rodgers this year.

Both teams are coming off losses, but the Packer one was more psychologically distressing, losing 33-32 in Atlanta when victory was within their grasp. After a bruising game like that, we’ll take the dog and the touchdown hook.

Brutal: Colts +7.5

Bob: PACKERS -7.5

………. 8:30 pm Eastern Standard Time …………….

Denver @ OAKLAND (Even) 43.5

Maybe the best game of the day. The Raiders are undefeated on the road this year, 5-0, ……but at home they are 1-1. This is the game where they take the lead from the Broncos in the AFC West and sail into the playoffs. The Black Hole goes nuts & rookie Trevor Siemian throws an interception late.


Bob: Broncos

….. Monday, November 7, 2016 …………..

………. 8:30 pm Eastern Standard Time …………….

Buffalo @ SEATTLE (-7) 43.5

The Bills’ Mafia will hopefully have more success this week than they did last week against QB Tom Brady & Patriots. The happy headed dildo tossed on the field during the game didn’t faze Mr. Bundchen at all. He just continued on his season long journey to make the rest of the league pay for his conviction in “Deflategate.”

The Bills were humiliated 41-25 at home. Damn you Tom Brady! ….. and your immunity to being intimidated by sex toys.

QB Russell Wilson of the Seahawks may be a different animal. Last week we predicted they would lose in New Orleans, and they did, 25-20.
Wilson had a decent day, but threw a key interception and no touchdown passes.

Russell’s well publicized, lengthy term of self imposed abstinence during his engagement last year is fresh in the mind here.

Frankly, we can’t believe anybody with a brain cares about this, but he’s the one who talked about this pious rubbish nonstop for weeks.

It appeared that Mr. Wilson was on a quest to make everybody forget about the “Master of His Domain in Every Conceivable Sense” chastity streak of former Los Angeles Laker A.C. Green.

Just a hunch, but maybe Russell Wilson isn’t as enlightened as Tom Brady and the sudden appearance of sex toys while directing a drive down the field. That occurrence might serve to cause him to turn the ball over.

If there are any travelling Buffalo Bills’ fans brave enough or foolish enough to disrupt the game in this manner, …. take a tip from the Presidential campaign and double down. Maybe a larger deluge of dildos, strap-ons, butt plugs, penis cages & ball stretchers will get the job done and distract Mr. Wilson sufficiently to throw an interception late in the game.

We think despite the optics, injuries & the danger of a Buffalo Bill being hit by an errant, low flying marital aid, ….. the Bills have the edge here to cover a touchdown spread in Rain Town.

Brutal: Bills +7

Bob: Bills +7

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