1. The number six
A list of five things is cliché and your low-grade ADHD doesn’t usually let you get to seven of anything. Besides, you’re too smart to think we could come up with seven or more shocking things. You would totally sniff out that it’s a list of maybe three or four good things along with a couple reaches to squeeze more ads in the right column or something.
2. Your defiant nature
You’re a risk taker and know there’s nothing at the other end of this click that can possibly shock YOU. Remember that time you walked in the “out” door at 7-11? Or that time when you colored your Excel spreadsheet cells that crazy glowing lime green color? A guy like you needs excitement in your life. You watch zombie movies. You can certainly defeat the shocky-ness of this click.
3. Fear of missing out
What if one of your friends sees this list first and then shares it on Facebook three minutes before you? Every one of your mutual contacts will see your tardy duplicate post in his or her timeline and forever view you as nothing more than “Jim’s spineless toadie.”
… and it might be a side boob. (Editor’s note: There is no picture but if there was, it definitely would’ve been a side boob.)
5. It’s Friday and you’re worthless.
Just face it– no one would miss you if you never showed up at your desk again. You’re a nice guy (so they don’t want to fire you) but you add no value to the company. You just sit there and play on the internet all day just to make it look like you’re doing something. Since you’re at work, you can’t even look at porn or gambling sites. I mean really, how many times can you read shoddily-written sports blogs and refresh Twitter? You’re just “fish in a barrel” to people like us. You’re begging us to write headlines to click.
We didn’t really have six reasons. See reason 1.
Studies show that the top read item in “listicles” is typically the bonus item. Science, man.