(Editor’s note: Mixed into a rambling narrative about the current state of affairs in the NFL loaded with historical and pop culture references, Mr. Brutal makes some football picks. Why does he call it the “War of 1812 Football Prognostication”? He likes history, he’s Canadian, Bob Gaughan is American and includes his picks as well.)
SEASON TO DATE:
MR. BRUTAL 29-47
MR. BRUTAL 7-8
Thursday, October 9, 2014
Indianapolis (-3) @ HOUSTON 46
Part of it was our admitted bias against the Cowgirls and the fact that Texans’ majority owner Bob McNair doesn’t appear to be quite as big a Summer’s Eve reservoir packet as Dallas head honcho Jerry Jones.
The game result was especially depressing. The Texans, like the Bears, 49ers, Steelers and Packers before them had stacked the stands with boisterous supporters. Their fans had no shortage of cheap tickets available for purchase from the thousands of Cowboys’ season ticket holders whose loyalty to “America’s Team” waivers somewhere in the zone between Mata Hari and Ephialtes of Trachis. It got so loud during Cowboys’ offensive possessions that QB Tony Romo had to adopt the silent count.
To lose a game like this was especially galling for the Dead Cow Heads and their crest-fallen fans. They lost bragging rights as the top professional football franchise in the No Women’s Rights Lone Star State, and are bound to be affected by this ignominious loss this coming Thursday.
Although massive blowouts by home teams are usually the norm on the NFL Thursday Night Cash Grabs, the Texans just don’t have the offensive firepower to follow the command directive of Captain Jean-Luc Picard and “Make it so.”
The Indianapolis Colts should feel comfortable indoors in the almost-a-dome NRG Stadium.
They played well last week against the Ravens, and a couple of careless turnovers made it closer than it should have been. They also didn’t seem to miss their starting free safety and second leading tackler.
The aforementioned LaRon “Jon Pall Sigmarsson” Landry was serving the first game of his four game suspension for his understandable ignorance in mixing pasteurized with unpasteurized Bhutanese Yak Milk and ingesting it without realizing it violated the NFL’s ridiculous and complicated substance abuse policy.
Andrew Luck is clearly the better quarterback compared to Ryan Fitzpatrick, and although Fitz went to Harvard, Luck graduated from Stanford, so their pedigrees are at least equal.
The Colts continue to improve this season and win in a battle between equine-related team nicknames.
Mr. Brutal: Colts -3
Bob: Colts -3