(Editor’s note:  Mixed into a rambling narrative about the current state of affairs in the NFL loaded with historical, music and pop culture references, Mr. Brutal makes his football picks. …

(Editor’s note:  Mixed into a rambling narrative about the current state of affairs in the NFL loaded with historical, music and pop culture references, Mr. Brutal makes his football picks.  Bob Gaughan makes his, too. It is called “The War of 1812 Football Prognostication” probably because he is Canadian, Bob is American and they have some huge unknown cross border stakes riding on their year-to-year competition. So get with the programme, honour the concept and enjoy the colourful Canadian flavour.)


…… Sunday, October 23, 2016 ……

Bye: Dallas, Denver

…… 9:30 pm Eastern Standard Time …..

New York Football Giants (-3) @ LOS ANGELES 43.5

{ Twickenham Stadium, London, United Kingdom }

Giant Kicker Josh Brown has been left at home in the States after the news broke with details concerning the ongoing police investigation into domestic violence issues involving him and an ex-partner.

Not wanting a repeat of the toxic Ray Rice debacle, the NFL announced they will immediately investigate and quickly make a decision about his punishment. The Giants don’t want this thing to fester, so they barred Brown from the plane to England and sent him home.

This is a distraction for the G-Men, but also an opportunity. While in Britain, they should hold open auditions for a new kicker. There are at least 15 million active soccer or “futbol” players in the British Isles.

There has to be at least one of them who doesn’t beat up women, wants to drive on the right side of the road everyday and can kick as well as second round draft pick reach & potential heart attack inducer Robert Aguayo of the Tampa Bay Buccaneers.
Brutal: RAMS +3

Bob: Rams +3

……. 1:00 pm Eastern Standard Time ……..

New Orleans @ KANSAS CITY (-6.5) 50.5

We were suspicious over last week’s line in Oakland, where the Chiefs were favoured and it appeared obvious that Vegas was begging us to back the Raiders. We seldom go against the house when they beg you that hard to be contrarian, so we won by taking the Chiefs. This line is probably fair, so we’ll have to use a different strategy.

The Saints have their offence rolling, …. their defence still blows big leads, but their offence has scored at least 32 points in every game this year but one. In every game the score was close or in doubt till the final quarter.

Brutal: Saints +6.5

Bob: Saints +6.5

Indianapolis @ TENNESSEE (-2.5) 48

The Colts lost a heartbreaking overtime game last week in Houston and now get another divisional foe on the road in Nashville. The Titans are coming off a near loss to the Browns at home, but they have won two in a row. Colts have the slightly shorter week with the Sunday night loss in Texas and their second road game in a row with the short trip to Dollywood.

We’ll take the home team.

Brutal: TITANS -2.5

Bob: Titans -2.5

Minnesota (-3) @ PHILADELPHIA 40

An unexpected surprise for the Norsemen this year has been the play of local product Adam Thielen at wide receiver. He was an undrafted free agent out of Minnesota State University. That university was formerly known as Mankato State.

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In 1998, Minnesota State won out as the new name for Mankato State mostly as a result of practical reasons as the institution was joining six other colleges in an amalgamation perpetrated by the state legislature. In an effort to capitalize on the newer name ( albeit, 18 years later ), there is now a movement on campus to rename the main campus Athletic Facility the “Hayden Fox Sports and Athletic Centre” and re-badge the football gridiron, “Luther Van Dam Field.”

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That topical astuteness could really help in recruiting eligible fifty year old high school graduates.

The Eagles have been exposed the last two weeks, and that has not been unexpected with a rookie quarterback.

It seems everybody is jumping on the Viking bandwagon, and with them coming in off the bye they look good here. But we don’t totally trust QB Sam Bradford yet, especially with his return to Philly, where he was never beloved.

This game should be labelled “Thomas Wolfe Bowl I” this week.

We expect Sam to receive a lusty, “City of Brotherly Love” welcome from the fans, ….. commensurate with the typical adoration they bestow upon all ex players/traitors who come to town in a different jersey, along with all Giants’ fans and Saint Nicholas.

Vikings have to lose sometime.

Brutal: EAGLES +3

Bob: Vikings -3

Cleveland @ CINCINNATI (-10) 45

“Four dead in Ohio.”

…… Neil Young
Well, it happened at Kent State in 1970.

It’s a slight possibility that it could happen again in this intrastate rivallry game for the NFL battle for the Buckeye State. This is especially true with Bengal LB Vontaze Burfict playing in this game after avoiding a suspension for several more of his typical medieval assault tactics that he utilized last week in the game against the Patriots.

( However, his stomping of New England RB LeGarrette Blount which led to his record $70,000 fine set the imagination in motion. Imagine those two hyper-aggressive whack-jobs in a special half-time, no-holds-barred cage match in their next game. Hmmm, betting would be brisk and the NFL would temporarily solve a ratings problem. )

The Browns try hard, but fall apart at some point in every game. The Bengals have finally run out of their pipeline of good to great coordinators, as all their previous ones from the last dozen years are now head coaches somewhere else in the NFL.

One of those is ex Offensive Coordinator Hue Jackson, who left last season and is now running the Browns. He knows every flaw in Andy Dalton’s mental makeup and the Bengal offence that he designed. The Bengals hardly score any majors and settle for a lot of field goals, making the big spread attractive. New Cincy offensive coordinator, the imagination challenged Ken Zampese hasn’t changed much of Jackson’s former system either, so Cleveland won’t be surprised by much.

The Browns could get their first win of the year here, but at least we think they’ll cover.

Brutal: Browns +10

Bob: Browns +10

Washington @ DETROIT (-1.5) 49.5

The unmentionables from the Beltway have won four in a row, while the Lions from the Motor City continue to stagger to another typical 8-8 season under the uninspired leadership of head coach Jim Caldwell.

We have a hunch that Detroit will win here and temporarily stop the unassailable triumvirate braintrust of Snyder/Gruden/Cousins.

Brutal: LIONS -1.5

Bob: Redskins +1.5

Oakland @ JACKSONVILLE (-1) 47.5

Another long trip to the east coast for the Raiders, and we’re concerned. Last week Vegas had the game pegged right with that mysterious line that had Kansas City Chiefs being favoured by three points on the road in Oakland. The team body language in the second half of that game had to have Silver & Black fans more worried than finding room in their personal budgets to attend games in Las Vegas for the next couple of decades.

Jacksonville proved last week that they could overcome a 13 point deficit in the fourth quarter and win. Of course it was against the toothless Bears. Tough call, but we’ll take the home team and count on jet lag to help cause the Raiders another substandard performance.

Brutal: JAGUARS -1


Buffalo (-2.5) @ MIAMI 44

The hottest Halloween costume this year is the “Donald Trump Groper Costume.”

In the interests of total accuracy, this costume would be a lot creepier & more accurately portray the issue at hand if it skewed towards Donald Trump’s own disturbing words & actions on the topic.

Instead of the woman wearing hair, makeup & clothes to imitate current wife Melania Trump, the wearer could change those items to have herself better mimic the following:

Image result for trump hand on ass ivanka images

1.) Daughter Ivanka Trump

2.) A frightened woman sitting in a First Class seat on an airplane

3.) A cheerleader wearing a chastity belt & shield to fend off the small hands wrapped around her waist.

4.) A ten year old girl with a sign hanging around her neck saying:

“Hands off till I’m twenty.”

We all thought the firing of Greg Roman as offensive coordinator seemed like a face saving gesture by HC Rex Ryan to deflect criticism and jettison a possible successor. Whatever the reason, the Bills’ offence has flourished under the much less experienced Anthony Lynn.

This is a big test, especially with workhorse RB Shady McCoy probably gone for this game. However, we feel the Bills’ winning streak is about more than just their excellent running game.

Time to prove it.

Brutal: Bills -2.5

Bob: Bills -2.5

Baltimore @ NEW YORK J-E-T-S, JETS! JETS! JETS! (-2) 40.5

Oh Boy! The Jets have benched QB Ryan Fitzpatrick and replaced him. The J-e-t-s, Jets! Jets! Jets! followers must really be jumping for joy. The second coming of Geno “Canvasback” Smith, sometime quarterback and notorious locker room pugilist has really elevated hopes in Gotham.

How can they lose?

Even more ways than before and with much less hope during the process, even if the human ATM, QB Joe Flacco doesn’t play for the big black birds.

Brutal: Ravens +2

Bob: Ravens +2

…… 4:05 pm – 4:25 pm EST …………….
San Diego @ ATLANTA (-6.5) 54

A shootout for sure. The Falcons come home after getting screwed by the officials last week in Seattle on a play that probably would have had them line up for the winning field goal. As with most games against the Seahawks, it was physical and the Falcons come limping home after the long plane flight with a few injuries and a bit of a psychological letdown after losing in the manner they did.

The Chargers won last Thursday at home against the Broncos in a game they needed to save their season. The best news is that their defense was its healthiest all year, played well and only gave up 13 points. In all four of their losses this year, the Chargers lost by 6, 4, 1 & 3 points. All less than the spread margin on this game.

We’d like this spread more if it was 7 points, but we’ll take it and the intrepid Chargers’ leader Phillip Rivers to make cover.

Brutal: Chargers +6.5

Bob: Falcons -6.5

Tampa Bay @ SAN FRANCISCO (Even) 46

On the Buccaneers, quarterback Cam Newton doppelganger Jameis Winston has been mirroring the 2015 MVP’s season of discontent. Call it a sophmore slump, but Winston Newton Junior has looked terrible passing the ball since his first game this season. His body language & attitude has also looked a little too much like the struggling Newton for anyone’s liking.

On the other side of the field, Colin Kaepernick gets his second start this year after a decent, but still failed debut last week in Buffalo.

Maybe pigs will eventually fly & mad scientist coach Chip Kelly will rediscover his genius, …. probably not this week, but they won’t have to play to that level to beat these pirates.



New England (-7.5) @ PITTSBURGH 47

No Ben Roethlisberger for the Steelers, who is gone for most of the rest of the year after knee surgery. Tom “No Tan Lines” Brady will be looking to continue his MVP minus four starts campaign in Steel-town on Ketchup Field.

The Steelers have looked really bad in their two losses this year, but those were both on the road. Steelers keep it closer than people think behind quarterback & ex Oklahoma Sooner Landry Jones, who is:

….. hopefully capable? mediocre? adequate? …. enough to play the position after four years riding the bench and starting two previous games.

Brutal: STEELERS +7.5

Bob: Patriots -7.5

….. 8:30 pm EST …………
Seattle @ ARIZONA (-1.5) 43.5

With no Presidential Debate scheduled, the NFL sure hopes the Chicago Cubs end their 100 year plus drought and win the World Series on Saturday so a potential game seven doesn’t go up against this football contest. The NFL television ratings have suffered this year due to a multitude of factors, and executives were hoping that this game might reverse the trend.

This game sure has potential to be exciting. Both teams are coming in off wins. The Cardinals outclassed the Jets and the Seahawks won a nip and tuck battle with the Falcons, thanks to their generally improving play and a ridiculous missed pass interference call against CB Richard Sherman.

Tough call, but we’ll take the Cards at home on the big stage.

Brutal: CARDINALS -1.5

Bob: Seahawks +1.5

….. Monday, October 24, 2016 …………..
Houston @ DENVER (-8.5) 40.5

It’s unofficial, but disgraced Fox News boss Roger Ailes has quietly disassociated himself from the Donald Trump Presidential Campaign. Ailes, a pervert to be sure, but a sharp political operative, has given up on his job as chief political adviser to the Donald.

Apparently, trying to guide “Donjango Unleashed” to the White House is a task too onerous. It seems, ….. we hear from inside sources, …. that Ailes was frustrated to the breaking point because:

The “Toupee’d Creamsicle” doesn’t listen, won’t follow advice, can’t focus, goes back on his word to follow certain guidelines and doesn’t have a clue how politics work on even a rudimentary level. A quote attributed to Ailes summed it up:

“Advising Donald Trump is a complete waste of time.”

We know, …. all shocking revelations.

On the positive side, Roger Ailes’ exit means Trump ( who according to himself is now “unshackled” to run his campaign his own way, the way he always wanted to, …. ), can reach out and hire the people he truly wants for the stretch run of his campaign.

We await Team Trump announcing the hiring of new advisors, Donald Sterling & Bill Cosby to help reach out for the women’s vote. Also, we expect to soon see American Nazi Party leader Rocky Suhayada & author David Irving brought on board to help consult on Immigration and finally Ted Kaczynski to advise on economic modernization.

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Brock Osweiller may be joining Roger Ailes on the sidelines if Broncos’ LB Brandon Marshall has his way. This week he told reporters that he and some of his teammates wanted to “hurt” Osweiller when he returns to Mile High on Monday night. It seems Brock was not that popular with his teammates last year when he was a Bronco.

Jealousy over the big contract that lured him away to Houston may also be a factor. We could call this “Thomas Wolfe Bowl II” this week, so Brock and the Texans probably lose, but we don’t trust the Broncos with that big spread whether they line up behind QB Trevor Siemian, Paxton Lynch or even Austin Davis.

Brutal: Texans +8.5

Bob: Texans +8.5

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