Lead the Charge! (Off the Niagara Escarpment)

Hi. The Bills played a “home” game in Toronto on Sunday. Here’s how it went.


Oh, Bills. Can’t you just crawl into the maze and freeze to death already?

First Quarter

10:00 — Russell Wilson runs for 14-yard touchdown (7-0 Seahawks)

It’s early, right? I’m sure it’s going to be fine. No? Okay…

8:29 — Bills go three-and-out. Bills punter punts (7-0 Seahawks)

Still early…

5:46 — Wilson runs for 25-yard touchdown (14-0 Seahawks)

Run away. Now.

1:24 — Ryan Fitzpatrick throws 17-yard pass to Stevie Johnson (14-0 Seahawks)

What is this now?

0:34 — C.J. Spiller runs for 14-yard touchdown (14-7 Seahawks)

He could have done this in the red zone all year. But no, multiples of three are my favorite.

Second Quarter

14:21 — Wilson throws 44-yard pass to Golden Tate (14-7 Seahawks)

That ‘wolf gray’ really makes those receivers look wide open.

12:03 — Steven Hauschka kicks 19-yard field goal (17-7 Seahawks)

Still hurts less than a rookie quarterback rushing touchdown.

8:37 — Bills go three-and-out. Bills punter punts (17-7 Seahawks)

Is… is Christmas cancelled yet?

11:05 — Marshawn Lynch runs for 54-yard gain (17-7 Seahawks)

10:10 — Wilson throws 4-yard touchdown pass to Zach Miller (24-7 Seahawks)

It’s just not Sunday unless the Bills defense is getting its face caved in.

8:37 — Bills go three-and-out. Bills punter punts (24-7 Seahawks)

Lead the Charge! (Off the Niagara Escarpment)

7:19 — Wilson throws 41-yard pass to Sidney Rice (24-7 Seahawks)

5:31 — Wilson runs for 13-yard touchdown (31-7)

There will be no survivors.

1:10 — Fitzpatrick throws 20-yard touchdown to Johnson (31-14 Seahawks)

Get out while you still can.

0:41 — Seahawks go three-and-out, punt (31-14 Seahawks)

Achievement unlocked.

0:00 — Rian Lindell kicks 41-yard field goal (31-17 Seahawks)

Just walk away, Rian.


Hey, it’s kind of close. Can the Bills come back and win this thing?

Okay then.

Third Quarter

14:57 — Fitzpatrick sacked by deceased saxophonist Clarence Clemons (31-17 Seahawks)

Oh look, it’s terrible o’clock.

14:13 — Fitzpatrick throws 25-yard pass to Johnson (31-17 Seahawks)

I’m sure this is the start of something good…

12:58 — Fitzpatrick intercepted by Kyle Wright (31-17 Seahawks)

Great job, Uncle Rico.

12:18 — Lynch runs for 13-yard touchdown (37-17 Seahawks)

Really looking forward to all this football we have left.

10:46 — Fitzpatrick runs quarterback sneak on 1st and 10 (37-17 Seahawks)

Let’s go down to Chan Gailey, who is the head coach of the Buffalo Bills.

Looking good, Chan!

7:51 — Fitzpatrick sacked by legendary E Street Band saxophonist Clarence Clemons. Fitzpatrick fumbles, Seattle recovers (37-17 Seahawks)

This game should have had a seizure warning.

7:29 — Hauschka kicks 33-yard field goal (40-17 Seahawks)

You’re… not… going… to… get… to… me…

6:13 — Fitzpatrick throws interception to Earl Thomas, who returns it 57 yards for a touchdown (47-17 Seahawks)

I had a bit of a meltdown here. Looking back, I’m not sure how I lasted this long.

Fourth Quarter

12:49 — Michael Robinson runs for 29-yard gain on fake punt (47-17 Seahawks)

Here’s Pete Carroll, after eating Chan Gailey’s lunch and banging his mom.

9:17 — Hauschka kicks 23-yard field goal (50-17 Seahawks)

Finish him.

5:20 — Fitzpatrick sacked by famous dead musician Clarence Clemons and Jason Jones (50-17 Seahawks)

It’s best not to get up, Ryan.

1:52 — Tyler Thigpen enters the game (50-17 Seahawks)


End of Game

You, at Work This Week

See you next Sunday.

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