Hi. Ryan Nagelhout from The Goose’s Roost here. The Bills played a football game in Houston on Sunday. Here’s how it went.
Is it time for football again?
14:57 — Arian Foster rushed for 10 yard gain (0-0 tie)
It’s happening already? I didn’t even get a chance to put pants on yet.
12:46 — Houston commits two consecutive penalties, punts (0-0 tie)
I’ll say it: That was weird.
9:36 — Bills punter punts (0-0 tie)
We should probably make this Halloween themed. No? Okay!
5:17 — Matt Schaub sacked by Kyle Moore (0-0 tie)
Nice sack dance, kid.
2:36 — Bills go three-and-out. Bills punter punts (0-0 tie)
Don’t laugh. Weep.
0:36 — Schaub throws 39-yard touchdown to Owen Daniels (7-0 Texans)
I’m not even mad. That’s just a good play. Nope… not mad…
EVERYTHING IS TERRIBLE AND WE CAN’T DO THAT!
Second Quarter13:41 — Ryan Fitzpatrick throws screen pass to C.J. Spiller, who runs for 28 yards (7-0 Texans)
Here’s an idea: Let’s never give that guy the ball again!
10:31 — Rian Lindell misses 37-yard field goal (7-0 Texans)
7:21 — Schaub sacked by Mario Williams (7-0 Texans)
6:22 — Alex Carrington blocks Shayne Graham’s 46-yard field goal attempt (7-0 Texans)
Get up and get down.
1:42 — Lindell kicks 22-yard field goal on 4th and 2 from the four (7-3 Texans)
This was the right call. Fitzpatrick couldn’t even throw the ball to the endzone, let alone score a touchdown.
0:52 — Texans go three-and-out, punt (7-3 Texans)
Oh good. There’s enough time for another field goal.
0:48 — Fitzpatrick throws 2-yard pass to Spiller (7-3 Texans)
0:28 Fitzpatrick throws 19-yard pass to Donald Jones (7-3 Texans)
0:22 — Spiller runs for 22-yard gain (7-3 Texans)
They’re doing it!
0:16 Fitzpatrick sacked by J.J. Watt (7-3 Texans)
0:05 — R. Lindell kicks 38-yard field goal (7-6 Texans)
Ah, the knowing wink of an offense that can’t score.
Why don’t you clear your head with some music?
14:27 — Bills go three-and-out. Bills punter punts (7-6 Texans)
It feels like I have to sneeze, but I’m afraid that if I do some of my brain will come out.
13:19 — Schaub throws 34-yard pass to Andre Johnson (7-6 Texans)
At least he stayed close.
12:11 — Foster runs for 3-yard touchdown (14-6 Texans)
Holy Crap. Who is coaching this defense anyway?
7:41 — Lindell kicks 39-yard field goal (14-9 Texans)
You can’t. I’ve tried.
2:55 — Fitzpatrick throws for 1-yard loss, a 4-yard gain and an incompletion. Bills punter punts (14-9 Texans)
It means he’s bad at football, turtle-man.
11:25 — Schaub throws 5-yard touchdown to Garrett Graham (21-9 Texans)
Come back, bye week!
10:19 — Fitzpatrick throws 2-yard completion to Jones, two incompletions. Bills punter punts (21-9 Texans)
Let’s go down to Chan Gailey, who’s calling the offense today.
Thanks for that, Chansey!
4:31 — Schaub throws incomplete pass to Johnson (in the end zone!) on 4th and 6 from the Bills 30 (21-9 Texans)
Why can’t we have nice things like this? Even the bad results are smart.
3:12 — Fitzpatrick fumbles on 4-yard run. Texans recover (21-9 Texans)
End of Game
Artistic vulgarity at its best.
You, at Work This Week
It just keeps coming.
See you next Sunday.