Ah, the knowing wink of an offense that can’t score.

Hi. Ryan Nagelhout from The Goose’s Roost here. The Bills played a football game in Houston on Sunday. Here’s how it went.


Is it time for football again?

First Quarter

14:57 — Arian Foster rushed for 10 yard gain (0-0 tie)

It’s happening already? I didn’t even get a chance to put pants on yet.

12:46 — Houston commits two consecutive penalties, punts (0-0 tie)

I’ll say it: That was weird.

9:36 — Bills punter punts (0-0 tie)

We should probably make this Halloween themed. No? Okay!

5:17 — Matt Schaub sacked by Kyle Moore (0-0 tie)

Nice sack dance, kid.

2:36 — Bills go three-and-out. Bills punter punts (0-0 tie)

Don’t laugh. Weep.

0:36 — Schaub throws 39-yard touchdown to Owen Daniels (7-0 Texans)

I’m not even mad. That’s just a good play. Nope… not mad…


Second Quarter
13:41 — Ryan Fitzpatrick throws screen pass to C.J. Spiller, who runs for 28 yards (7-0 Texans)

Here’s an idea: Let’s never give that guy the ball again!

10:31 — Rian Lindell misses 37-yard field goal (7-0 Texans)

Aw horses.

7:21 — Schaub sacked by Mario Williams (7-0 Texans)

6:22 — Alex Carrington blocks Shayne Graham’s 46-yard field goal attempt (7-0 Texans)

Get up and get down.

1:42 — Lindell kicks 22-yard field goal on 4th and 2 from the four (7-3 Texans)

This was the right call. Fitzpatrick couldn’t even throw the ball to the endzone, let alone score a touchdown.

0:52 — Texans go three-and-out, punt (7-3 Texans)

Oh good. There’s enough time for another field goal.

0:48 — Fitzpatrick throws 2-yard pass to Spiller (7-3 Texans)

Oh boy.

0:28 Fitzpatrick throws 19-yard pass to Donald Jones (7-3 Texans)

It’s happening.

0:22 — Spiller runs for 22-yard gain (7-3 Texans)

They’re doing it!

0:16 Fitzpatrick sacked by J.J. Watt (7-3 Texans)

0:05 — R. Lindell kicks 38-yard field goal (7-6 Texans)

Ah, the knowing wink of an offense that can’t score.



Why don’t you clear your head with some music?

Third Quarter

14:27 — Bills go three-and-out. Bills punter punts (7-6 Texans)

It feels like I have to sneeze, but I’m afraid that if I do some of my brain will come out.

13:19 — Schaub throws 34-yard pass to Andre Johnson (7-6 Texans)

At least he stayed close.

12:11 — Foster runs for 3-yard touchdown (14-6 Texans)

Holy Crap. Who is coaching this defense anyway?


7:41 — Lindell kicks 39-yard field goal (14-9 Texans)

You can’t. I’ve tried.

2:55 — Fitzpatrick throws for 1-yard loss, a 4-yard gain and an incompletion. Bills punter punts (14-9 Texans)

It means he’s bad at football, turtle-man.

Fourth Quarter

11:25 — Schaub throws 5-yard touchdown to Garrett Graham (21-9 Texans)

Come back, bye week!

10:19 — Fitzpatrick throws 2-yard completion to Jones, two incompletions. Bills punter punts (21-9 Texans)

Let’s go down to Chan Gailey, who’s calling the offense today.

Thanks for that, Chansey!

4:31 — Schaub throws incomplete pass to Johnson (in the end zone!) on 4th and 6 from the Bills 30 (21-9 Texans)

Why can’t we have nice things like this? Even the bad results are smart.

3:12 — Fitzpatrick fumbles on 4-yard run. Texans recover (21-9 Texans)

End of Game

Artistic vulgarity at its best.

You, at Work This Week

It just keeps coming.

See you next Sunday.