January 19, 2010
Hired Chan Gailey. Oops.
April 22, 2010
Drafted C.J. Spiller 9th overall to bolster the ONLY POSITION ON THE TEAM that already had adequate depth.
April 23, 2010
Drafted a player we’re not sure ever existed (DT Torrell Troup) 41st overall, one pick ahead of New England TE Rob Gronkowski
April 24, 2010
Selected the only QB ever deemed worthy of a Bills draft pick during Nix’s tenure. Unfortunately, it was in the 7th round and something called a Levi Brown.
November 3, 2010
Claimed LB Shawne Merriman off waivers and paid him more than $10 million for a grand total of TWO sacks and a bunch of locker room pep talks. #LightsOut
April 29, 2011
Drafted Aaron Williams, a cornerback who can’t cover wide receivers, 34th overall, one pick ahead of Cincinnati QB Andy Dalton and two picks ahead of San Francisco QB Colin Kaepernick.
October 28, 2011
Officially hitched Buffalo’s tragedy wagon to QB Ryan Fitzpatrick by signing him to a six-year, $59 million contract extension. #FitzTragic
July 29, 2011
Signed QB Brad Smith to a four-year, $15 million contract and forced fans to watch crappy Brad Smith do crappy Brad Smith things every week.
April 27, 2012
Traded up three picks to draft ineffectual WR T.J. Graham six picks ahead of Seattle QB Russell Wilson. (See Seattle 52, Buffalo 17.)
May 11, 2012
Signed free agent QB Vince Young– presumably by “butt-dial” or something.
August 27, 2012
Traded a draft pick to Seattle for QB Tarvaris Jackson for, apparently, NO REASON AT ALL.
September 25, 2012
Decided it was finally time to hold people accountable for poor performance and made a bold move to shake up the roster. Released P Brian Moorman. Signed P Shawn Powell. #DeckChairs #Titanic (Perhaps this was Chan Gailey’s call. If so, please refer to January 19, 2010.)
The wheels on the bus go round and round… and round and round and round and round…