(Editor’s note:  Mixed into a rambling narrative about the current state of affairs in the NFL loaded with historical, music and pop culture references, Mr. Brutal makes his football picks. …

(Editor’s note:  Mixed into a rambling narrative about the current state of affairs in the NFL loaded with historical, music and pop culture references, Mr. Brutal makes his football picks.  Bob Gaughan makes his, too. It is called “The War of 1812 Football Prognostication” probably because he is Canadian, Bob is American and they have some huge unknown cross border stakes riding on their year-to-year competition. So get with the programme, honour the concept and enjoy the colourful Canadian flavour.)

…… Sunday, October 30, 2016 ……

Bye: Los Angeles, Miami, New York Giants, Pittsburgh,

San Francisco, Baltimore

…….. 9:30 pm Eastern Standard Time ……..

Washington @ CINCINNATI (-3) 43.5

{ Wembley Stadium, London, UK }

This could be one of the best games of the day. Sadly, we will miss this “Breakfast at Wimbledon” NFL edition. We are extremely religious and will be attending church services Sunday morning. It’s my week to prep the rattlesnakes for ritual handling to test the congregation’s faith & belief in the power of the almighty Zog.

We have more faith at this point in the Bengals, than our nervous fellow parishioners. Cincinnati beat Cleveland last week in the Battle of Ohio, while the Washington football club was weigh-laid in Motor City.

Washington also has injuries to three key players.

Brutal: BENGALS -3

Bob: Redskins +3

……. 1:00 pm Eastern Standard Time ……..

Kansas City (-2.5) @ INDIANAPOLIS 50

Please, spare us from another Chiefs’ victory that involves that short passing, eat the clock, Andy Reid orchestrated offensive game plan captained by the one and only Alex Smith at quarterback. Reid & Smith have the collective sporting charisma of my ‘Ficus Microcarpa’ that I am now staring at for what seems too long a duration of time.

File:Starr 080117-1893 Ficus microcarpa.jpg

…. Must be this new medication’s emerging side effects.

For the good of football entertainment, we’ll back the better quarterback and the team with the Drugstore Cowboy as its owner.

Brutal: COLTS +2.5

Bob: Chiefs -2.5

Oakland @ TAMPA BAY (-1.5) 49

Another long road trip to the east coast for the Raiders should make us take pause and bet the Bucs, …. but wait! ….. after the win in Jacksonville last week, the Silver & Black stayed in Florida to rest and prepare for this second consecutive game in the swing state shaped like a Manatee’s penis, ….. and just about as collectively intelligent.

It’s the Buccaneers who had to make the long flight across the continent from San Francisco!

Football is so easy to bet when you base it only on airplane tickets.

Brutal: Raiders +1.5

Bob: BUCS -1.5

Seattle (-2.5) @ NEW ORLEANS 48

After that physical, marathon “Kiss your sister” tie last Sunday night, one would have to believe that the Seahawks will be a little tired travelling to the east coast for their second consecutive road game.

This is the kind of game that the unbalanced Saints should win. Get a few breaks early, a lead on the scoreboard in the noisy Superdome, and watch the impotent Seattle offence do absolutely nothing about it.

Brutal: SAINTS (+2.5)

Bob: SAINTS +2.5

Detroit @ HOUSTON (-2.5) 45

It appears that the free agent signing of QB Brock Osweiler by the Texans may turn out to be a monumental bust. We’ve never believed in him or the play calling tendencies of Head Coach/Offensive Coordinator Bill O’Brien. Despite this, one is still stupefied as to how a 6’8″ quarterback can have so many passes batted down at the line of scrimmage.

Brutal: Lions (+2.5)

Bob: Lions +2.5

New York J-e-t-s, Jets! Jets! Jets! (-3) @ CLEVELAND 43.5

QB Ryan Fitzpatrick is back at the helm for the Jets after “Sugar Ray” Geno Smith went down last week with yet another season ending injury. Fitz was angry that he had been replaced as the starter, and stormed onto the field to lead the Jets to a win over the middling Ravens.

Cleveland has played well, believe it or not in almost every game this year, …. usually for about three of the four quarters anyway.

The Cavaliers won the NBA Championship this year, the Indians will humiliate the Chicago Cubs to win the World Series in the coming days, and the Browns will start a nine game winning street this week, …. then sneak into the playoffs at 9-7 and win the Super Bowl.

The greatest & most improbable Singular City Trifecta in the history of professional sports!

The THC level of this medicinal green tea might be stronger than we expected, ….. but we are starting to feel joyous! …. and positively emboldened with these ever increasing in incredulity predictions!


Bob: Browns +3

New England (-6.5) @ BUFFALO 47

We aren’t afraid of these stinking Patriots and that nudist exhibitionist leading them behind centre. Brave words, ….. but despite the status of the shady one at running back, the long list of banged up Bison, …..

……. we see the Bills sweeping this season series with relative ease.

This chirpy confidence is brought to you by solid logic, faith that last week’s loss in Cocaine Beach, Florida was an aberration, …. and the fact we are now pretty sure that the effects of the medical marijuana positively, absolutely, just kicked in.

Brutal: BILLS +6.5

Bob: Patriots -6.5

Arizona @ CAROLINA (-3) 47.5

Certainly don’t think the Cardinals will be in a good frame of mind after giving away that tie to Seattle last week at home. We hate backing “Superman” Newton, especially with the Panthers having lost four in a row. However, they are at home, playing a tired team who has to travel across the country and most importantly, they are coming in off the bye week.

Last chance for Carolina to salvage a season and go on a winning streak.

Brutal: PANTHERS -3


……… 4:05 – 4:25 pm Eastern Standard Time …………..

San Diego @ DENVER (-5.5) 43.5

We have been skating with the Chargers all season, so no need for us to jump on the Phillip Rivers’ bandwagon, …. besides, his kids have taken up the ten spare seats.

No matter, another close AFC West Divisional contest, and we’ll take the side with the better quarterback, attack, and ability to make games close at the end of the games.

Brutal: Chargers +5.5

Bob: Chargers +5.5

Green Bay @ ATLANTA (-3) 52.5

The Packers can’t win if they continue to rely on Aaron Rodgers to throw the ball 100 times every game to masque the fact that they have no running game. This will be a shootout, but despite the iffy status of RB’s Coleman & Freeman, the Falcons have more weapons and balance.

Brutal: FALCONS -3


………. 8:30 pm Eastern Standard Time …………….

Philadelphia @ DALLAS (-4.5) 43.5

Logically, we should back Jerry Jones & the Girls. …… This battle of two rookie quarterbacks has Dallas coming in off the bye at 5-1. The Eagles righted their ship last week by solving the Minnesota Vikings and giving QB Sam Bradford an unwelcome homecoming.

A divisional rivallry game in prime-time & the Jim Schwartz defense slowing down the juggernaut Dallas offense means the Eagles could/should quite possibly match the best team in the NFC.

At least enough to cover the spread.

We don’t always bet logically.

Brutal: Eagles +4.5

Bob: Eagles +4.5

….. Monday, October 24, 2016 …………..

………. 8:30 pm Eastern Standard Time …………….

Minnesota (-5.5) @ CHICAGO 41

Betting on the Bears is never a good idea. Unless of course the greatest quarterback in the history of football, Jay Cutler is returning this week to lead your team to victory!

( After writing that, there can no longer be any doubt that this new medication is not a placebo )

…… As well as the magnificent Cutler returning, the entire City of Chicago is focused on the Chicago Cubs’ 108 year old quest to win the World Series again, ……. so no pressure on the Bears who have been given up for dead, ……. probably a lot of empty seats in Soldier Field Monday night.

But, …… divisional game, the strange karma in the Windy City right now with the Billy Goat curse, …. fucking Bartman, …. and I can’t really read these green tea leaves in the bottom of this mug, …. that are trying to tell me something, …… What is it?


“How can the recently exposed Vikings be favoured by more than a field goal?”


Brutal: BEARS (+5.5)

Bob: BEARS +5.5


Leave a Reply